In travelling through the recent posts on this blog, it's apparent to me how much of a difference having an inspiration can make. The academic stuff is strict interpretation, however anything creative is dull, lifeless. For that, I apologize faithful readers. Disjointed efforts abound in recent weeks, a lack of focus.

When one has a muse, that inspiration should be kept to one's self, I've learned. Having a muse that does not want to be a muse, and requests to be released from that obligation, I had no option but to respect that request. Societal pressures and social graces, require that a person not wanting to be the object of ones affection should have their wishes respected.

However, in respecting the muse, I have lost that creative spark, it will return dear readers, hopefully soon. In past years, I've found replacements for an anthromorphic muse, an idea, a cause. As my quest for that replacement carries on, I fear for you dear readers that this journal will be a dull journey much like the photo above.

It occurs as I proof read this that perhaps this reads as a guilt trip, it's not, it's merely an internal observation. One of my failings as a person, I'm entirely too honest about my affections, about my emotions. Emotional outbursts are far too rare for me, and when they occur, I feel it necessary to share them. However, I must be conscious of the fact that the emotional peak I'm experiencing is not shared, and perhaps makes the object of my affections uncomfortable. In an age where one third to one half of the women in north america are victims of stalking at one point in their lives, I must be aware that unwanted affections, while well intentioned may be perceived as a threat, especially by those with unfortunate histories.

Stepping back, while difficult, is necessary. It's sometimes difficult to convince someone that you have the best of intentions. One can hope that with time, perhaps amends can be made. To my muse, should she ever read this, I'm sorry for ever making you uncomfortable, that was the last thing I wanted to do, my lack of respect for your feelings and considerations was cruel on my part. Should you ever choose to talk to me again, and I hope you do, I understand that will be on your initiative, not mine.