my return

Going to try to return to this blog, I find it cathartic to write here, and to be honest things were going pretty well, so there was no angst to share, or so I thought.

The past year has been an emotional roller coaster, my first year in a management position in over a decade. Trying to balance my personal life with my work life, can only be described as an absolute failure. My need to depressurize after work led me to neglect some very important people in my life. To be honest, after work, I needed to exercise the body, and then shut off the brain.

Being metaphysical, I did share thoughts in a written journal, and in my head that was enough to satisfy other people, even though they didn't know what I was writing in the journal, in my head, I just assumed they knew.

This philosophical neglect cost me a very important relationship. I'm not good with long distance relationships, never have been, probably never will.

My emotional distance, is only amplified by physical distance, and I make the assumption that others know about this, this is my loss, and has cost me in the past, and I'll wager it will cost me in the future.

Maybe I was just too busy to notice, and now that things have calmed down, I've come to the realization that perhaps I am lonely, the scary thing is, loneliness feels...comfortable.

Perhaps it's the wrong word, perhaps solitude is the word I'm looking for.