First Date Anxiety

Your faithful correspondent does not do well in small social circumstances. I have been conditioned, right or wrong, to suppress certain aspects of my personality, until people have known me for awhile. This heart has been beaten up a few times, and it's reluctant to be beaten up again. This causes a catch 22. I don't act like myself and throw up walls, which in turn implies I'm hiding something. Therefore, there is no connection on that first date, because I won't let there be one. This means there is usually no second date, which means on the next first date the walls are a little bit thicker.