respect

The week is starting badly. It's extremely difficult for me to make myself emotionally vulnerable, it's happened in the past, and I've managed to survive having my heart ripped out, however my recuperating skills are waning.

Love has not been kind to me, I described it to someone a few days ago as the right people at the wrong time, or the wrong people at the right time. Being burned I have set up a series of walls, that I feel really uncomfortable letting down, this comes across as aloofness.

The difficulty is, it's not a matter of self confidence, if I don't feel an emotional connection I have no problem being confident with a woman I'm attracted to on a visceral, sexual level. It's the emotional connection that scares the hell out of me. When I meet a woman I'm comfortable talking to, makes me laugh (a VERY rare thing)and makes me feel good about myself. I'd sooner tear my lips off than make myself emotionally vulnerable to her. This is a contradiction I realize, one that could make a therapist a very rich man.