I can't shake this feeling of emotional malaise. I wish I knew what I could do to get rid of it.

My choice of music this morning probably isn't helping, Mozart's Requiem. While a powerful piece of music, it's not exactly chipper "wake me up music". A couple of changes are happening this week, hopefully one of them will kick start in the right direction.

Maybe I'm just in a rut, maybe it's the lack of employment security I'm feeling these days. Maybe it's the emotional vacuum I've created for myself. For years, I've tried to create a stable environment for myself, stripping away all the things that used to cause emotional turmoil in my life. Now, it seems, getting rid of all the emotional turmoil has created this emotional plane that exists with neither ups nor downs. It seems, that stability is not necessarily a good thing.

I can't remember the last time I got excited about something. Analysis, and dispassion are the watchwords of the day. And while this has served me well, I have a feeling too much of a good thing has become the root of my malaise. I need to immerse myself in something, I need to take back a part of my youth, take a gamble, put myself on the edge again.