I've been lucky in my life. I've been able to surround myself with people whom I trust, are kind, considerate, and take me for what I am, eccentricities and all.

Every time I've made concerted efforts to expand that circle, and tried to be anything other than what I really am, it's backfired. I've ended up meeting superficial people, with superficial concerns.

Your correspondent is a difficult person to be with, and I need to accept that. Every time I've altered or tried to conceal that fact, it's backfired on me.

Your correspondent is in agony this morning, a twisted muscle in my calf is sending waves of pain up and down the right side of my body.
lately
Thinking about the Libby trial these days. Ultimately this trial is proving faith. The administration went into gulf war II with the "knowledge" that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. When the evidence mounted that they did not, it was needed to prove that those providing the negative proof were discredited. Thinking along these lines, people who proved there were no weapons of mass destruction were "enemies of the faith".

This rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour – when decisions are hard and courage is tested. We enter the year 2007 with large endeavors underway, and others that are ours to begin. In all of this, much is asked of us. We must have the will to face difficult challenges and determined enemies – and the wisdom to face them together.

George Bush, State of the Union January 23, 2007

He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the United States.

Article 2, section 3, The United States Constitution


Such is the man's arrogance, he thinks he's performing a courtesy call rather than following the law.

Flawed logic follows the man like a tail following a dog, it's an inevitability. Like a puppy though, he keeps peering around in astonishment that this flawed logic is still behind him.

One wonders what the remaining two years of this man's presidency holds for the human race. His stubbornness has a potential to cause damage on a biblical or apocalyptic scale. His unwillingness to admit mistakes could lead to the extinction of the human race.

cast upon the wall like a moonlight shadow

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. - H G Wells

Things are calm here in the bunker. I'm oddly comforted by the rain the past few days, it's coming down unaccompanied by the damnable winds of the past few months. The lesser of two evils.

Pondering the idea of human "chemistry" the past few days, a common enough term, but what the hell does it mean?

Also thinking about Bush, and his repeated statements about withdrawal from Iraq. He says he won't without a victory, the problem, as with the entire war on terror, is that victory has not been defined. A new government has been established, Hussein has swung from the gallows, what's left?

existential angst

In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection.
Farrah Gray


There's an incredible amount of emphasis placed on the "first impression". Be it a date, a job interview, or the presentation of products to be sold. It's that first impression that makes or breaks a decision.

yet how many of us convey our true selves on that first impression, I know your faithful correspondent does not. He's an awkward soul, having been burned in the past, he's reluctant to give too much of himself away. Do I hold people to account for this rejection of the first impression, not at all, to be honest with you it's perfectly understandable.

Your correspondent prides himself on being unreadable, it's what makes me inured to pain. Rejection is not of me, but of the facade. Persons unwilling or unable to see past the facade are probably not patient enough to deal with what comes with the whole package. That's fair, I hold no-one to account, to some, relationships need to be transparent, not studies in existentialism.

Now most people will say, that nobody truly understands, perhaps they are right, tens of thousands of years of emotional evolution have truly made the human soul a complicated maze. Some emotions are readily available to the world, others are much more complicated and need to be hidden.

Ultimately all these emotions will create the colourful tapestry that is an individual, but like any tapestry with some people the intricacies and the subtleties are sometimes not noticeable at first glance, they require a different light, or perhaps a different frame of mind.

Have you ever glanced at a painting that you saw as a child, then revisited years later and noticed things that were not apparent to you when you first looked at it as a youth.

Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudice or flush Lake Erie but when they find ways to inhabit primitive communities again. That's my utopia. - Kurt Vonnegut

What is it about human beings that makes them try to make things more complicated than they really are?

First Date Anxiety

Your faithful correspondent does not do well in small social circumstances. I have been conditioned, right or wrong, to suppress certain aspects of my personality, until people have known me for awhile. This heart has been beaten up a few times, and it's reluctant to be beaten up again. This causes a catch 22. I don't act like myself and throw up walls, which in turn implies I'm hiding something. Therefore, there is no connection on that first date, because I won't let there be one. This means there is usually no second date, which means on the next first date the walls are a little bit thicker.

Watching the wheels turn round on the magic box this morning is a trying experience. Reuters, a news agency, an organization designed to record historical events and make them available to the general public, has decided that it won't print fake photographs anymore. HOORAY!

Our Mayor, an unpleasant man, has pledged a 50% reduction in homelessness and another 50% reduction in something called "aggressive panhandling". This "aggressive panhandling" is a term I've only started hearing in the past few years. To be honest with you, I don't know anyone who has actually experienced it, all I know is people who know someone who has a granny who has had an encounter, it's all seemingly apocryphal.

A weird cynicism developing this morning in Toronto today. A plan by a church to open a 12 bed shelter to run on the coldest nights of the year is being opposed by people living in the neighbourhood.

I often wonder if compassion is truly dead. When is our willingness to help our fellow man outweighed by the inconvenience of our fellow man being disagreeable to look at?


A young man at work, engaged me in a conversation about the homeless one day, he's a nice guy, but doesn't know much past the zeitgeist, said that he thought most homeless people were that way because they wanted to be, or were lazy.

We have to confront our homeless problem, it's our single biggest failing as a society. It requires our collective will, intelligence, and compassion.

Good morning Aztlan

The clouds came crashing back in last night, accompanied by warnings from the weather wizards. Dire predictions of chaos breaking loose, children and the elderly being killed by the elements. Turned out to be all for naught.

As I ponder the feeds burning in this morning, I notice it's back to bread and circuses. Award shows, and television spies are all the rage apparently. The government is free to lie and drop bombs on the heads of children, but it's television producers which must watch what they put on the magic box.

The Colosseum in Rome was built nearly 2000 years ago, and is still standing. It's still being used for modern day entertainment as well as religious functions. Fast forward to the late twentieth Century. For all of our evolution, our science improvements, our leaps in engineering, we cannot build a stadium that lasts for 30 years.

The dancing snakes between my ears are doing a hyperactive jig today, can't be a good sign. Although the sun is shining today, there's a bitter bite to the air, a temperature of minus 6.

Apparently Bush is going to be making another mea culpa tonight on 60 minutes. One has to wonder where this is leading, will he do the right thing and resign? Not likely. Bush is making these apologies as a calculated effort to distance his successor for the republican party to ensure success, so that candidate can continue down the same Neo Con path.

Hard to believe that September day so long ago was in the infancy of the Bush Administration, seems like it was so long ago.

So Bush accepts responsibility for the mistakes made in Iraq, well what exactly does this mean, will he resign, will he put himself before the world court for war crimes, will he meet with the families of every serviceman killed, with the children of all the parents he's killed with his mistake?

His speech last night was more rhetoric, it meant nothing, but sounded nice. He's repeated the lies, linking the war on terror to the war in Iraq. It's been repeated over and over again, Iraq had nothing to do with the attacks on 9/11, and in fact what the war has done, has created a hot training zone and recruiting grounds to make even more terrorists, this has backfired beyond belief, one of the worst foreign policy mistakes since, well, I can't think of anything worse than this. And I'm a student of history.

I'm beginning to really hate El Nino.

Snow is falling, the streets are icy, and the windows are steamed up. My view from the bunker is obscured enough without having to worry about condensation.

The days are getting longer which is a blessing, the spring season is teasing us, just every so slightly, the glimpse of ankle that we need this time of year.

At last, the schedule of the damned is done for another year. For two weeks every year I take over the graveyard shifts during the Christmas vacation season. It takes me the better part of a month to get my clock back on schedule.

There are some strange people up and wandering about at 4 in the morning. It's strange , there's a very different attitude amongst people out at 4 and those out at 5. The people wandering around at 4 in the morning are generally ne'er do wells, and the people out at 5 are the eager go-getters off to seize the day.

What a difference the hour makes.

I'm watching the magic box this morning, pondering when Bush and his crew will finally admit that they've made a mistake in Iraq, and what happens? He starts another war on a different continent. The fact that he sent helicopter gunships into yet another country has barely caused a blip on the news radar.

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change. - Malcolm X

When history looks at the first part of the twenty first century, how will we be reflected in history's lens?

As I ponder the infinity of the grey horizon this morning, my mind wanders to the future. One can't help but contemplate the infinite when all one can see is the interminable.

I'm a student of observation, numbers, statistics, the metrics of the day. It's why I'm constantly recording weather metrics, daylight hours and the such. It's amazing to watch as time progresses how the day increases in length, a measurable effect of our hurtling globe. When one considers the massive volume of the earth it makes you aware of just how small and fragile we are.

More wind last night, it would the world is taking out some sort of vendetta on Vancouver. We've had, I don't know, 12 major storms this winter. It's getting boring.

I'm huddled by the windows of the bunker peering out, wondering if it's safe to go outside yet. Probably not, but that won't stop me. The sun is out which is a rare thing these days, a gorgeous blue sky. Maybe there's hope for the day after all. Had coffee with a new friend yesterday. These first encounters are always agonizing, trying to think clearly, trying not conceal one's faults, to be "cool". However, often in playing it cool much of the personality is diluted, and that dishonesty comes through. As easy as it is to say, one should be themselves, it's not that easy is it?

Human Beings are just good enough to make democracy possible...just bad enough to make it neccessary. - Reinhold Niebuhr

There are blossoms in New York City, and I've got to deal with snow this morning. I'm tired and I want to go back to bed.

There's a possibility of a large snowstorm this afternoon, this city, as much as I love it reacts very badly to snow, very badly.

Giant rocks falling from the sky. That's the first thing I read this morning when I wake up. Giant rocks falling from the sky.

There are some days when I just shouldn't look at the news. The sun is out, maybe I should just stare out the window at the unfamiliar colours in the sky. For the first time in memory there's a warmth basking over the urban jungle.

Searching for the face of God

Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness. - Marshall McLuhan

Weird signs in the bunker this morning, an unearthly blackness is gripping the outside. A strange rain is falling, and there's a complete absence of light. Things feel like the world has been swallowed by a great beast.

What is the beast though? There is the fear that stalks me, I've compared that to a sentient beast at times. Perhaps the ghosts that haunt have simply gathered above to blot out all natural light. Then again, maybe it's just thick clouds.

Strange feeds coming into the bunker this morning, last night reports of finding a downed plane, including very specific reports of 12 survivors. An hour later a correction is issued, the wreckage has indeed not been found. What does one make of this?